<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Cycle 22 by PeriPeriwinkle</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984686">Cycle 22</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeriPeriwinkle/pseuds/PeriPeriwinkle'>PeriPeriwinkle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Adventure Zone (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Poisoning, Slow Death, Temporary Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:56:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeriPeriwinkle/pseuds/PeriPeriwinkle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Taako dies a few months into Cycle 22, and Barry is made to promise he'll be there for Lup while he's gone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Bluejeans/Lup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. When In Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><i>what happens when only one of the twins die in a cycle? </i><br/> </p><p> <br/>I was thinking about how after their world got swallowed by the hunger, Lup and Taako especially must've felt like (at first, before the Starblaster crew became their family) they truly only had each other now more than ever</p><p>but this is something people have considered, because out of the 100 years, Taako died only seven times, and we only ever saw one of these, and in it Lup died with him, so it's fair to say there must've been times when one of them died and the other was left alone for god knows how long</p><p>so.</p><p>cycle 21, beach year. fucking amazing. everyone bonds, has fun, it’s a  chill "leap year". Taako tells Barry to stop being stupid, it's been 21 years of pining for his sister, and Barry and Lup have cute moments. they don’t become a couple during that cycle, but it's when the seed is planted.</p><p>some people headcanon that cycle 47 is the cycle they become official, but I have a feeling that cycle 47 is more like when they realize just how utterly and far gone in love they are, and not exactly when they start ofish dating</p><p>so. cycle 22.</p><p>what if.</p><p>what if Taako dies a few months into cycle 22.</p><p>what if Taako not only dies, but he fucking dies <i>slowly</i>, slowly enough to make people on the ship try to reverse it because, well, not only would they do it to anyone else, Lup insists on it, insists on trying to cure Taako of whatever it is that's killing him, despite them all knowing its futile</p><p>and Taako is on his last legs and he pulls Barry into the nursery and tells him he will punch the man <i>so hard</i> when he's back in nine months or so if he finds out he and Lup didn't smooch <i>not even once </i> while he was gone</p><p>Taako, whispering to Barry: Barold. this is not a threat. this is a promise. <i>I will fucking obliterate you.</i></p><p>I like this idea of like, this being a both silly and serious moment for Taako? because they've never left each other alone for so long, so he's not just annoyed at how these two dorks are not getting on with it, he's also utterly and horribly scared of how Lup's gonna cope without him there</p><p>because he's been through it before, there was a previous cycle where Lup died early on, and he was Not Okay</p><p>and he knows that, even with his friends there, there were several times he considered just ending himself so he could wake up and be finally back with his sister at the end of the cycle, but he didn't want to traumatize anyone on the ship and he knew that that's not what Lup would've wanted him to do</p><p>so he powered through it. horribly and miserably, but he did.</p><p>and he knows, when he's dying, that Barry could soften the blow of Taako's absence. not only he can, but he <i>has </i> to.</p><p>I feel like Taako wouldn't want to guilt trip them into starting their relationship though? but also, he knows that it would be a welcome distraction, and also the fact that Taako's not there might help, in a morbid way, because Lup can come to Barry when she'd usually seek solace with Taako</p><p>he wouldn't do that if he knew that there was nothing there between them, but also, the months after Taako's talk with Barry at the beach must've been exponentially worse in the sense that it's <i>so obvious </i> that these dorks love each other <i>oh my god just kiss already you're killing us </i></p><p>Taako aggressively ships them tbh, I think he loves how dorky they are, and he sees how happy Barry makes Lup, and how much Respect Woman And Also Trans Rights juice Barold drinks, and also how perfect they are together?? so Taako is the supportive brother who tries to make them organically start dating before he screams.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>This is that story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Twins have a special bond.</p><p>Siblings usually have pretty strong bonds, even more so the closer to each other’s age they are. Twins, however, doubly so when it comes to identical twins, have a deeper and unexplainable bond that brings them together in a different way. Twins of all ages and races have reported <em>feeling </em>when their twin is distressed, sad, or in pain, even if they’re several thousand kilometers away. They often finish each other’s sentences perfectly, almost as if their brains are in sync, and can guess what the other is thinking, either accidentally or for fun.</p><p>This was not an exception for Lup and Taako.</p><p>They were always glued at the hip from the very moment they were born, sleeping tangled against each other, walking with their hands clasped, smiling at the very exact moment the other did, too. This connection only grew as they did, and inevitably, everyone who knew of Taako knew of Lup too and vice-versa. They were, as they liked to remind everyone, <em>a package deal</em>, and neither knew or wanted to know a world without each other.</p><p>That’s not to say they were not independent or different people; Lup’s idea of fun involved lots of explosions and controlled chaos, while Taako focused more on glamour and pretty things that sparkled and amazed. They shared several interests and hobbies, like cooking and studying magic, but overall they were easy enough to distinguish despite the physical similarities.</p><p>They went together to the Academy so they could train and apply as one for the IPRE Starblaster crew, and naturally, they were the best in all their classes. Davenport was intrigued when he got the twin’s application; knowing the little he knew about bonds with twins was enough to know that they were not just incredibly skilled wizards, but they’d be <em>perfect </em>for the mission.</p><p>And so, with a bit of tweaking and hard work on Davenport’s side—the gnome had to pull several strings and call on plenty of owed favors to convince the IPRE employees involved in arranging the Starblaster’s voyage that he could afford that one extra crewmate—it was finally decided that the twins would join them. They got along the best with Magnus, but they were pleasantly polite with the other crew members, and the ship’s bond engine reacted gleefully whenever the two of them were around. The engineers were delighted, and the twins were <em>ready.</em></p><p>And then everything fell into chaos.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Killing a wizard is not an easy feat.</p><p>Wizards have ways of getting around things that would normally kill a regular person, and elves doubly so; they might not be the hardiest, but their long lives grant them something akin to foresight. A long life experience will do that to anyone.</p><p>Even with the knowledge that dying isn’t permanent in between the cycles, Davenport stresses that dying is <em>very much </em>discouraged, and the twins take that advice to heart; they would probably never admit to being afraid of dying, but more than that, they’re very much afraid of being <em>alone</em>.</p><p>So the twins are careful, but being careful doesn’t mean being <em>perfect</em>.</p><p>The first of them to die is Taako.</p><p>It happens on their seventh cycle; the plane is beautiful, populated solely by ancient trees that are thousands of feet high, its uneven terrain covered in thick roots that twist and curve up and down to form hills and banks of all shapes and sizes, the dirt that holds the trees soft and covered in dead leaves. They are running back to the Starblaster as The Hunger collapses from the skies, so when Taako trips and falls he’s shocked but not surprised. Lup stops, looks back as Taako struggles to pull his foot free from a knotted tree root, and before she can reach over and grab his hand, before Taako can conjure or invoke some sort of barrier or shield spell around him, a Hunger tendril spears him in the neck.</p><p>Lup screams, Magnus pulls her away, and onto the Starblaster they go, up into the sky.</p><p>Lup’s wails of distress are clear as rain even over the loud rumbling of the ship’s engine, which flickers and blinks dangerously as Davenport works his now familiar evasion maneuvers up and away from this plane. When Taako appears on the hull of the ship, Lup immediately jumps up, socks him in the face, and hugs him, still crying, until they’re both a messy sobbing pile on the floor.</p><p>It was maybe a total of five minutes that Taako was gone, but for the days that followed Lup would occasionally place a hand over her throat at the same time Taako did so, a phantom feeling, a memory they both would love but will probably never be able to forget.</p><p>Lup dies for the first time five years later, on cycle twelve. The planet is fairly abandoned save for a few wild animals, and although the crew is kept on their toes at first they soon learn that the animals are frightened of fire, so Lup easily keeps them at bay whenever they’re out and about.</p><p>But she gets comfortable in this security blanket, and one day, ten months in, she and Magnus decide to stretch their legs and go for a walk in the dense forest that’s just on the outskirts of the Starblaster’s landing site. It’s a path they’ve walked through a dozen times before, a stroll they know very well by now, which is maybe why they talk maybe a bit too loudly, why they don’t look around too carefully, why they stand maybe a bit too close to the foliage. They’ve been gone for just a few minutes when a beast jumps from the bushes out of nowhere and tackles Lup first, almost if knowing she’s the biggest threat out of the two of them.</p><p>Magnus wrestles the creature away, Lup weakly conjures a fireball to take it down, setting a patch of the woods on fire, and although Magnus picks her up and dashes back to the Starblaster as fast as he can, by the time he arrives he’s covered in soot, drenched in her blood, and her lifeless body is cold and stiff in his arms.</p><p>Taako... doesn’t take it very well.</p><p>He first blames Magnus, who gladly takes the blame entirely, guilt gnawing at him for letting this happen when he’s supposed to be <em>the protector. </em>He then gets mad at himself for letting her go out on her own, <em>without him</em>, away from where he can keep her <em>safe</em>. And then he gets mad at the <em>world</em>, and he sees the small fire building on that forest patch where she was attacked, and with a wave of his wand the fire <em>explodes</em>, the flames rising hundreds of feet up in the air, engulfing the woods that took his sister away from him.</p><p>And then it’s just mind-numbing pain that doesn’t seem to ever truly heal.</p><p>The following three months are the hardest of Taako’s life. He’s never known life without Lup, and it’s... bleak. Dark. The whole ship feels her absence, misses her laughter, remembers her jokes. People avoid Taako like the plague, afraid that anything they do or say will reopen the barely-patched wound that’s still raw and red and angry over his heart, but at the same time they constantly reach out and try their best to console him, to help him get through it, show him he’s not completely alone. Taako hates it. He hates all of it. He hates that people treat him like he’s made out of glass, hates how people look at him and see <em>Lup</em>, hates that Magnus, his best friend on this ship, can’t even look him in the eyes anymore. Hates that Lup isn’t there with him.</p><p>So he spends days on end holed up in his room, avoiding the rest of the crew, and sometimes he goes out to the deck during the night, looks out at the embers of what was once a vast expanse of forest, and cries while everyone’s fast asleep in their rooms, where the only one who’s there to witness his hurt is the bond engine, who wails with him, feeling his pain, mourning his loss.</p><p>On the thirteenth cycle, Taako and Lup refuse to venture out of the ship until they’re sure of the planet’s safety, and even then they’re glued to the hip, one person, one entity. Magnus at first goes out of his way to please the twins, but they both assure the man it wasn’t his fault; there was nothing he could’ve done to save Lup and they hold no ill will against him. Lup’s back, so no point on dwelling on the past.</p><p>And the twins don’t ever talk about cycle twelve. Lup knows what it was like to be five minutes without Taako. She wouldn’t dare to dream what three months must’ve been like, and she doesn’t dare ask.</p><p>It’s cycle twenty one, and after they successfully harvest the light of creation, Davenport declares it a leap year. The planet is beautiful, the seas are mesmerizing, the days are long and the nights are chill, and god damn it all they’ve <em>earned </em>this respite. The bond engine pulsates with glee whenever the crew takes it out for a joy ride around the planet, testing its limits, practicing new and improved twists and turns, and overall it’s an incredible year where they all come closer together one way or another.</p><p>And that is when Taako’s suspicions are proved right: mister Barold Bluejeans, head science officer, resident aspiring necromancer and the biggest nerd in the history of nerds, has <em>a big ol’ crush </em>for his sister. Taako stands by his words to Barry; they have so much time, more time than anyone has probably ever had, and he’s wasting it by <em>pining </em>instead of <em>taking action</em>. He’s seen how Lup looks at him, noticed how they spend plenty of alone time together with their magic experiments and studies, and he’s happy for them, he really is; losing his sister has taught him that they both need to relearn how to be their own people, and Taako is not the kind of guy to deny love when he sees it. They have it <em>bad </em>for each other, and he hopes that his peppy talk with Barry is enough to finally ignite whatever there is between them.</p><p>But it doesn’t; it almost seems like it’s made it <em>worse. </em>Barry looks painfully awkward around Lup, and Lup is a mumbling mess around Barry. Even Magnus, who is usually thick as a brick wall, has noticed the budding romance going on, and even he’s getting real tired of it. Taako got tired of it <em>months </em>ago. He honestly doesn’t understand how the lovebirds didn’t get it on right there on the beach, sand on their knickers be damned.</p><p>But now the fun is over, and cycle twenty two is on. It’s a new year, a new planet, with new things to explore and a new light of creation to chase after.</p><p>Taako is out with Davenport and Barry, walking back to their camp after a day scouting out the light of creation and analyzing the planet’s surface, and he absently bites on a fruit that looks and tastes like an apple, looking up at the pink moon up in the sky. His mind drifts back to that last year; he remembers the gentle rocking of the waves as he sat atop his surfboard, remembers the warmth of the sun as it beat down on him, remembers sitting around the bonfire with his family, the blazing hot flames loosening his limbs, a warm meal heavy in his gut making him sleepy.</p><p>Taako hesitates, feeling that sleepiness come over him now, that warmth coursing through his limbs. It’s almost like he can <em>feel </em>the heat coming from the memories.</p><p>“Taako?” Davenport asks, and he remembers–</p><p>–remembers being pushed off his board by a particularly big wave, the whirlwind that takes him underwater, the sensation of being pulled and pushed by the strong forces of nature and being at its will, the burn on his lungs as he breathed in salty water.</p><p>“Taako!” Barry screams just as Taako’s slack hand drops the not-apple to the floor, and collapses.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Warm.</p><p>It’s so warm.</p><p>Why is it so <em>warm?</em></p><p>“<em>Hot</em>,” Taako gasps, and Lup appears out of nowhere, rushing to his side to tip blessedly cold water onto his lips.</p><p>“For fuck’s sake, Merle, just <em>fix him!</em>” She screams, and Taako frowns. He doesn’t like the worry in her voice.</p><p>“It’s not that easy!” Merle says, sounding both annoyed and frightened at the same time, bringing a glowing hand up to Taako’s forehead. The fever subsides, but it’s just temporary; the fever is not the issue here, the fever is just his body’s natural response as it fights against whatever’s killing him.</p><p>And Taako has a feeling that whatever it is that’s killing him is not something Merle can heal.</p><p>“Was it the apple?” Taako asks, forcing his eyes to open despite how they ache with the med bay’s lights overhead. He hates how garbled and rough his voice sounds.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em> it was the apple, <em>you idiot!</em>” Lup says, tears at the corner of her eyes. “Just because something looks like a fruit we had back home doesn’t mean you can eat it before running it through Merle first! God <em>damn </em>it Taako, we’ve been doing this for twenty one fucking years and two months into a new cycle you decide to bite into a poisonous fruit out of fucking nowhere?!”</p><p>Taako doesn’t reply; he could’ve sworn that the not-apple from this world had Merle’s seal of approval already. He was distracted as shit today, feeling so fucking <em>done </em>with all of this, with the mess that their lives became. Remembering the good times they had not so long ago.</p><p>Biting the apple and thinking of <em>home</em>, whatever that was now.</p><p>Taako’s silence distresses Lup more than anything he could’ve said; the tears start rolling down her cheeks and she punches the wall next to her, scorching it as if her knuckles were blazing hot.</p><p>“Hey...” Taako whispers, and Lup looks at him with a frown that he wishes he could simply wipe away from her face. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why... hey. I’m real sorry, Lulu.”</p><p>“You fucking <em>dummy</em>,” she whispers, then climbs into his bed and hides her face on his shoulder. Taako embraces Lup, holding her close to him, and everyone else files away from the med bay under Merle’s quiet ushering.</p><p>The days carry on like this for a while; Merle lowers Taako’s body temperature every few hours, Lup a constant by his side; she only leaves after Taako is fast asleep, and only so that she and Barry can study the apple. The planet is not inhabitable, so it’s not like they can go into a village and ask for an antidote, but the way the fruit’s molecules are connected together is unlike anything they’ve ever seen, so both trying to figure out what exactly is killing Taako from the inside out and how to make it stop is a gargantuan job. The apple’s molecular composition is just one big question mark to them, and while Barry and Lup would normally find this to be delightful and stimulating, now it’s just <em>exasperating</em>. Taako was right in the sense that the fruit did have Merle’s seal of approval—but only the deep purple ones. The dark red ones that looked a bit more like the ones from Two-Suns were the poisonous kind, but safe to say, anything resembling apples were strictly forbidden from that day on.</p><p>After a week of bed rest Taako feels himself getting worse instead of better, and after he pukes his third meal in a row Merle makes the hard decision to forbid Taako from eating solids of any kind and has him straight on the IV drip. Four days after that Taako realizes he’s too weak to lift himself off his own bed by himself, much less stand up without risking collapsing to the floor, and he awkwardly realizes he’ll have to ask for <em>help</em>. Lup at first argues that she can do it, but Barry insists, says he’d like to be more useful, reminds Lup she's been doing plenty ready and she doesn't have to go through all of this by herself, so she agrees. She probably wouldn't have if it was anyone else, but for Barry? She makes an exception.</p><p>Taako at first has reservations about this arrangement, but they prove to be for naught; Barry never hesitates or looks down at Taako with pity, and Taako almost hates how <em>normal </em>Barry tries to make it all seem. He wouldn’t <em>prefer</em> pity, per say, but everything about his current situation bothers him, and he doubts anything else besides being able to trust his own two legs would make him happy.</p><p>The greatest transmutation wizard in the universe needs a caretaker to avoid soiling himself. Great. <em>Amazing</em>.</p><p>And so the days drag on. Lup tells him about how Barry’s been cooking, since she’s not been in the kitchen since Taako got admitted into the med bay, and how his food has improved considerably. Lup and Taako taught the other crewmembers small things about cooking every now and again throughout the years, but since they enjoyed cooking so much no one ever took their place in the kitchen. However, with the two of them away from their daily tasks, Barry’s picked up the job and has been doing wonderfully at it.</p><p>(Taako briefly thinks about telling Lup about how Barry was also the one who picked up his slack on cycle twelve, but he decides against it. They don't talk about cycle twelve and he doesn't want to upset het further with this new nugget of information.)</p><p>She also mentions that Davenport, Magnus and Lucretia managed to retrieve the light of creation just a couple of days before, and she jokes about how she wouldn’t be too upset if they hadn’t. They laugh, nickname the planet Evil Stepmother, poisoning apples and whatnot. She brings him card games, and a chess board, and they cheat shamelessly in every game, smiling all the way through.</p><p>Taako’s glad for all that his sister’s doing for him, truly, but he’s also worried. He can see the bags under Lup’s eyes, a telltale sign that she’s not sleeping too well, and when Taako confronts her about it, she waves him off, reminds him that she only needs four hours of meditation anyway. When he tells her to go back to the common room and have a meal with the rest of the crew, she refuses, and only when he’s in the bath or closing his eyes for an hour or so does she eat anything.</p><p>The days drag on, one more week turning into two, and Taako is hit with the realization that he’s been bedridden for a whole month now. He’s looking out the window, watching as the sun rises, when Barry knocks softly on the door and comes in by himself; Lup, it seems, is still in bed for a change, actually sleeping instead of meditating. <em>Good</em>, Taako thinks; she needs this rest more than anyone else on the ship. And, as weird as that may sound, Taako is happy to see Barry. Their tentative friendship grew exponentially the year before, after they spent several hours together as Taako taught him how to swim and Barry watched him surf, and even more so this year, as Barry took the role of caretaker without even blinking, never making Taako feel humiliated or less than for having to ask for help, not even for a second.</p><p>“Good morning,” Barry smiles, handing Taako a glass of water, which he quickly drains in several long gulps. Taako wipes his mouth and sets the glass on the bedside table, getting up into a sitting position and swaying a little.</p><p>“Morn’,” he slurs, yawning. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”</p><p>Barry nods, places an arm around Taako’s back and pulls him off the bed, but to both their horror and surprise Taako’s legs give out as soon as his feet touch the floor, knees buckling as if they’re made of noodles. Taako yelps, hand reaching out to cling to Barry’s shirt, and Barry immediately backtracks, sets Taako back on the bed, his legs hanging over the side.</p><p>“Taako, what–” Barry starts, but Taako’s already bending down and pulling off one of his socks.</p><p>Barry inhales sharply. His face goes pale white.</p><p>Taako feels like he could puke despite his empty stomach.</p><p>His foot is <em>gray</em>, black veins zigzagging across his skin.</p><p>“I’m going to get Merle,” Barry says, already turning towards the door, but Taako reaches out, clutches the man’s shirt on his fist.</p><p>“You will <em>not</em>, Barold, I <em>swear </em>to god.”</p><p>“But Taako, your <em>legs–</em>”</p><p>“<em>I can see</em> my legs, thank you <em>very fucking much</em>.”</p><p>Taako hides his face in his hands, takes several deep breaths. Barry, bless his kind heart, steps back and waits patiently.</p><p>After several minutes of silence, Taako wordlessly takes off his shirt, then pulls his pants off with some difficulty, given how weak his legs feel and how shaky his hands are. Barry helps him a little, even without Taako asking, and for once Taako doesn’t complain.</p><p>And. Well.</p><p>It’s not a nice sight.</p><p>Taako knew it wouldn’t be, but he still needed to know <em>how</em> bad it was, and, well, it’s <em>bad</em>.</p><p>The grayness is worse on his feet, but it moves up his legs along with the black veins in a gradient that’s sickening to see. His thighs still have his regular skin tone, but the black veins have spread up considerably over them and are now crawling up Taako’s waist; a single black vein runs up his side, reaching up almost up to his armpit. It makes Taako's heart freeze over.</p><p>“This wasn’t like this yesterday... was it?” Barry asks, still pale as death, eyes wide with horror. Taako shrugs.</p><p>“Beats me. Last time I had a bath was three days ago.”</p><p>There's another beat of silence as Taako takes even longer, deeper breaths, eyes glued to his legs, following the path of the black veins. Three days. In just three days the poison has advanced more than the last three weeks combined.</p><p>Taako bends his head down, hands gripping his hair, breathing shallow and labored.</p><p>"P-please help me get dressed again, I don't want– we can't let them see me like this."</p><p>Barry nods and carefully helps Taako put his clothes back on. When he’s dressed again, Barry helps him back up on the bed, props up some pillows so Taako can sit up. He fills the empty glass with water from the pitcher and hands it to Taako. It takes him a minute to drink it all without sloshing it all over himself, with how badly his hand’s trembling.</p><p>He takes a deep breath. Then two. Then three.</p><p>"Barry."</p><p>Barry stands to attention. "Yes, Taako?"</p><p>"Have you smooched my sister yet?"</p><p>Barry stutters, his face growing increasingly red. He’s taken aback; that was <em>not </em>what he expected in the least. "I uh, I don't see how that's–"</p><p>"That's a no, then." Taako sighs, annoyed, running a hand through his matted hair. "Barry, what are you <em>waiting</em> for?"</p><p>Barry straightens his back, looking a mix of embarrassed and conflicted. "Forgive me, Taako, but I don't see how this is any of your business."</p><p>"Oh, it is <em>absofuckinglutely </em>my business, my man," Taako retorts, suddenly angry. "We're <em>the twins</em>, and I don't know if you heard, we're a fucking <em>package deal</em>."</p><p>"Taako, that's not–"</p><p>"<em>And I need someone to take fucking care of her, okay?!</em>"</p><p>Barry falls silent. Taako is seriously shaking now, his whole body shivering, his forehead now covered in a thin layer of sweat as his fever starts back up. He takes a fourth deep breath, grits his teeth painfully.</p><p>"What I am trying to say <em>is</em>, I don't have much time left in this cycle, Barry, that much is fucking obvious. It's only a matter of time before those gross veins ride up my body, shutting down all the organs it finds along the way. It did a good job of my legs already, next it's gonna be my kidneys, then probably my liver. I'm probs gonna be dead before it can reach my heart and I’m not sure if that’s a relief or not.” He laughs humorlessly, clenching both fists in his lap. “I'm about to fucking <em>die</em>, Barold, almost certainly real slow and painfully, and it's gonna fucking <em>suck</em>, but that's not what I'm worried about, you know? I'm worried about Lup."</p><p>Takko looks up, stares at Barry right in his eyes. "Do you know what it is to have a twin, Barry? Do you <em>really</em> know?"</p><p>Barry hesitates, then he shakes his head. There are tears in his eyes now, and he pulls Lup’s chair and sits down next to Taako’s bed. “No, I don’t really know, Taako. Care to enlighten me?”</p><p>“Well,” Taako says, looking up at the ceiling. “I can <em>feel </em>her, you know? Not like, all the time, but whenever things <em>really </em>suck or whenever things are <em>really </em>good. I can’t feel when she stubs her toe or whatever, but when she gets stabbed in the guts? Oh yeah homie, that shit right there feels like a tingling in my belly, like a cold feeling in my guts. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes we just know stuff about each other, just like we sometimes say the same shit at the same time without even thinking about it. We’re in sync all the time, and we fucking love each other so much it <em>hurts</em>.” He looks over at Barry, and the man’s now crying, fingers pressing against his eyes under his glasses. “And sometimes that’s a good thing, but sometimes... at times like these? It fucking sucks. I can guarantee you she’s gonna wake up and come barging in here in only her PJs because she knows something’s <em>really </em>wrong.”</p><p>Barry sighs, shoulders slumping.</p><p>“What I’m trying to tell you, my dude,” Taako continues, “is that if I come back at the end of this cycle and find out you haven’t smooched my sister <em>not even once</em>, I will punch you <em>so hard </em>you’ll be seeing stars for a <em>week</em>.”</p><p>Barry laughs, but his smile quickly turns into gritted teeth. He looks away, trembling, and Taako sighs.</p><p>“Barry. It’s zone-of-truth-time over here, homie. You’re a big fucking nerd, but you’re a good guy. One of the bestest. Sometimes, when Lup’s with you, I can feel it, you know? It’s like a warmth that spreads out from my chest, goes down my arms and makes my fingers tingle. And that’s a phantom feeling of whatever it is that <em>she’s </em>feeling. Lup would kill me if she ever heard me telling you this, but truth is, she really, <em>really </em>cares for you, my man.”</p><p>“But I’m not <em>you</em>, Taako. I’m not gonna be able to– to <em>replace </em>your absence, if that’s what you’re suggesting. That would be <em>cruel</em> to Lup, I don’t want to– I <em>can’t</em>.”</p><p>“I know my dude, Taako is one of a kind, fucking irreplaceable,” Taako preens, grinning. “But... you can soften the blow of my absence. You <em>have </em>to. You’re the only one in this whole ship who really, <em>truly </em>can.”</p><p>Taako pauses. Barry runs a hand through his hair, then looks up at Taako, who notices for the first time how overgrown his stubble is, even though Barry’s usually really good at maintaining it. Taako’s condition must be getting to him, too, and he hates it. Hates making his family suffer like this.</p><p>“I spent three months without her once, Barry. I know what it feels like. I know you know how it feels like, too, because I know for a fact you mourned her almost as much as I did. You saw me that cycle, moping around the ship like an idiot. And you saw her, that one time I was dead for five minutes. I don’t... I’m <em>scared</em>, Barry. More than scared of dying, which, let me fucking tell you, I am <em>terrified </em>right now, I don’t– don’t want her to suffer alone.”</p><p>This is the most honest Taako’s ever been with anyone that isn’t Lup, and he has a feeling Barry knows this. He nods, hands nervously wringing together in his lap.</p><p>“Okay. Okay, I... I’ll talk to her.”</p><p>“About...?”</p><p>Barry blushes, sighs long and deep. “About my <em>feelings</em>, Taako. Geez, do you <em>have </em>to make me say it out loud like that?”</p><p>“Yeah I do,” Taako teases, smiling. “If you’re gonna make a promise to a dying man you gotta do it right.”</p><p>Barry laughs, shakes his head. When he looks up at Taako he looks <em>exhausted</em>. “I’m gonna fucking miss you, you dingus.”</p><p>“Yeah, well. I’ll be seeing you in about ten seconds time after I die, so can’t really say the same here.”</p><p>Taako’s fever spikes up dangerously soon after their conversation ends, and this time he allows Barry to fetch Merle, who’s told about Taako’s gangrenous feet and legs as soon as Taako’s stabilized. Merle sighs, long and deep, and places a way too gentle hand on Taako’s forehead.</p><p>“This really sucks, doesn’t it, skipper.”</p><p>“You’re telling me, old man,” Taako agrees, grinning weakly. Seconds later, <em>as predicted</em>, Lup comes barging into the room in only her pajamas, pushing Merle out of the way to hold Taako’s hand.</p><p>“Babe, what’s wrong?!” She asks, eyes frantically looking over his tired face. Taako widens his grin, hoping it doesn’t look as puny as he feels.</p><p>“Do you really gotta ask, Lulu?” He teases, and she slaps him in the shoulder, still worried but a bit relieved; if he can still jab and makes jokes with her then he’s okay.</p><p>The seven of them are all gathered in the med bay just minutes later, Lup still next to Taako, gripping his hand firmly, everyone else either standing or sitting around Taako’s bed. Merle and Berry don’t tell everyone else about the gangrene or the black poisonous veins; they just explain as vaguely as possible that the poison is getting worse and that Taako’s body is gonna give out any day now.</p><p> “Can’t we induce him into a coma?” Lup suggests, “to give us more time while we look for a cure?”</p><p>“Lup, we’ve been studying the apple for a month now, and we’re nowhere close to finding an antidote to the poison,” Barry points out.</p><p>“Besides,” Merle continues, “putting him in a coma might slow down the poison’s spread, but not by much. He’ll still die of it anyway.”</p><p>“So... that’s it? There’s nothing we can do?” Magnus asks, voice low, and the silence that stretches is palpable. Lup tightens her hold on Taako’s hand until it hurts.</p><p>“Hey. Y’all did a heckuva lot already,” Taako says, smiling weakly. “Taako’s <em>fine</em>. It’s not like I won’t be back in however many months anyway.”</p><p>He thinks about making a joke about how he’s sorry he won’t be around to shine his light upon the hallways of the Starblaster and make everyone’s life fucking amazing with his mere presence, but he squeezes Lup’s hand and decides against it.</p><p>Merle estimates that Taako has a week, at most, so Davenport declares that everyone in the Starblaster is on mandatory time-off for the next seven days; there will be no research, no studies, nothing resembling work of any sort unless strictly necessary—and by that he means <em>if someone doesn’t fix this thing right away the ship will blow up</em>. Anything less urgent than complete immediate obliteration will simply be patched up to be taken care of after the following week. He tells Lup that this means she’s <em>prohibited </em>from tinkering with the apple, and although she protests Davenport puts his foot down and tells her it’s an <em>order</em>, not a request.</p><p>Davenport rarely issues orders nowadays and Taako hates it that he now has to do so because of him.</p><p>Taako hates a lot of things as of lately.</p><p>He hates the catheter that Merle puts him on, hates how <em>small </em>it makes him feel. Hates that he can’t just end it, right there and then, because Lup... Lup wouldn’t allow him to do so. Hates the feeling of numbness that starts spreading through him, hates the spells and the meds that Merle gives him to get him to sleep for longer periods of time. Hates that his fever now has to be managed every couple of hours, then every hour or so as his condition gets exponentially worse, meaning Merle has little to no sleep throughout the week that follows.</p><p>Magnus and Lucretia start hanging out at the med bay more and more, Lucretia writing and painting as Magnus, Lup and Taako play card and board games. Barry is around a lot more, too, now that they’re not studying the apple anymore, and Taako notes how he’s always, <em>always </em>within arm’s reach of Lup. Davenport and Merle bring the common room dining table into the med bay so that the seven of them can be together for all meals after Taako’s noncommittal response that he truly didn’t mind the smell of food or the sight of people eating around him. And as the days go by and Taako gets less and less responsive whenever people talk to him, the more Lup sticks by his side, and the more, he notes, Barry does, too. He throws an arm around Lup’s shoulder here, holds her free hand there. Stops trying to convince Lup to sleep in her room and brings her pillows and blankets instead.</p><p>At one point at the end of the week Taako opens his eyes to find Lup napping on her chair, head slumped over her shoulder. The black veins are crawling up Taako’s neck and jaw now, and he feels <em>so</em> tired, his now grey hand contrasting terribly against his sister’s. Barry walks into the med bay silently, nods to Taako, and sneaks a soft kiss to the top of Lup’s head as he layers yet another blanket over her shoulders.</p><p>Taako gives him a weak thumbs up, which Barry reciprocates, and he closes his eyes, sighing. He doesn’t want to sleep; he just needs to rest his lids for a few seconds. Maybe just for a minute or so.</p><p>“<em>Taako?</em>” He hears Lup whisper, and although she's right next to him it sounds muffled and vague, almost as if he’s several feet underwater. He considers opening his eyes to reply, but instead, he lets darkness pull him in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. When In Death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>They bury him under a not-apple tree as per Taako’s request; he loved the irony of the idea.</p><p>Lup doesn’t come to their improvised funeral. When a sobbing Magnus took Taako’s body in his arms she ran the other way, locking herself in her room. Lucretia tried coaxing her out, but nothing she did or said garnered a response, so the five of them went down to the sparse patch of trees that surrounded the ship. Magnus and Barry dug as Merle sang a canticle with his hands over Taako’s eyes and heart, the five of them crying like babies. The sun was just rising in the horizon when they placed the bitten apple atop the soft dirt and walked back towards the Starblaster.</p><p>Barry knocks on Lup's door several hours later, his face clean shaven and a bowl of soup in his hands. He gets no reply, but he insists and knocks again.</p><p>“Lup, it’s Barry. May I come in?”</p><p>He waits. A minute passes, then two, then three. Barry considers leaving the bowl on the floor by her door so she can get it whenever, but he knows he’ll just come back hours later to find the bowl in that very same spot. So he stays firm and waits, and a couple of minutes later his patience proves fruitful; Lup opens the door, and Barry walks in.</p><p>“I brought you food,” he says, setting the bowl down on her bedside table.</p><p>“Not hungry,” she mumbles, climbing back into bed and pulling the covers over her head. “What do you want, Barry.”</p><p>“Well, Davenport said we can have as many off days as we want as of today, but I was wondering if maybe you’d like to come down to the planes with me and get some samples? We could analyze the magical properties of that weird glowing plant you were so curious about when we first landed here.”</p><p>“Not interested.”</p><p>Barry sighs.</p><p>“Lup, what– I’d like to help. What can I do to help?”</p><p>Silence stretches over as Barry waits, seeing the bundle of blankets shivering. He wants to reach out and touch her, but he doesn't know...</p><p>"...will you hold me?"</p><p>He's almost startled when he hears it, the words sending his mind reeling. He doesn't reply; instead he immediately takes off his shoes, climbs onto the bed and wraps both arms around Lup’s blanket cocoon.</p><p>"I'll hold you for as long as you need me to, Lup," he says, and she shakes, her tears starting all over again.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>It's day ten without Taako.</p><p>Lup made a calendar; it is as tall as she is, there is a fat red marker hanging from a string next to it, and she crosses out each passing day with a big, red X. It hangs on the hallway next to her bedroom so she can write on it before she retreats for the day, and the rest of the ship quickly picks up on what it's for.</p><p>It's a countdown. A constant reminder of how many days until Taako's back.</p><p>If back in Lup’s absence on cycle twelve the ship was quiet and dull, now without Taako it's almost sepulchral. Losing someone on a cycle is bad enough as is, it's never easy no matter how many times they have to go through it, but losing Taako is a whole other level of emptiness. Not to mention they’ve never lost <em>anyone </em>this early in, especially not in such a devastating way, never had to make do with one less person on their team for so long. They get constantly reminded of that crushing absence too, in small yet painful ways; Lucretia frowns at her food every now and then, Magnus refuses to retrieve the board games from the med bay, Davenport avoids looking at a certain untouched toothbrush on their shared bathroom cabinet.</p><p>It <em>sucks</em>.</p><p>Barry keeps cooking. He’s not the best at it, especially because transmutation is not his forte and his transmuted ingredients are never as flavorful as Taako’s, but he manages well enough. Lup doesn't come out for meals, despite them inviting her every time, and no one insists on it or pushes her to be social. They understand her pain, at least to some extent, and try to be considerate of her need to be alone.</p><p>The days stretch on. Barry keeps bringing Lup food, and although she opens the door to him, she doesn't eat every day. Sometimes he comes back at dinner time to find her plate untouched, her body curled up in bed facing away from the door, almost as if fearing repercussions. Barry doesn’t comment on it, doesn’t ever scold her, but he can’t hide that it eats at him to see her like this. Worry weighs heavy in his heart even if he knows he’s doing all that he can.</p><p>On Taako's one month death anniversary, Barry knocks on her door bright and early in the morning. He waits exactly five minutes before knocking again. When ten minutes have passed and he's about to knock a third time, Lup opens the door, hair a wild mess and pajama top askew.</p><p>"Good morning!" He exclaims. Lup looks down, confused, at his empty hands.</p><p>"Wha...?"</p><p>"Guess what, you're gonna teach me how to make pancakes today!"</p><p>Lup frowns. "No, I'm not."</p><p>"Yes, you are!" Barry says, still smiling. Lup squints.</p><p>"Who put you up to this?" She asks. Barry shrugs.</p><p>"No one. Everyone else on the ship is sleeping at this hour."</p><p>"Oh yeah, by the way, uhhh—what the <em>fuck</em>, Barry? It's five in the morning, the sun's not even up outside."</p><p>"Well, you wouldn't agree to do it if there was anyone else around."</p><p>"I wouldn't agree anyway! <em>Fuck off </em>and leave me alone, will ya?!"</p><p>And she slams the door in his face, making him flinch back as it grazes the tip of his nose.</p><p>Barry stands there. Waits five minutes.</p><p>Knocks again.</p><p>It takes just three minutes for Lup to open the door this time. She looks <em>tired</em>. Resignated. Maybe a little guilty.</p><p>"Pancakes, huh."</p><p>"Last time I tried it, the whole batch went straight into the trash can. I need an expert's help here."</p><p>Lup sighs. "Alright, <em>fine</em>. But you owe me one, Barry Bluejeans."</p><p>In the kitchen, Lup pulls the ingredients they'll need from the pantry, transmutes the ones they don't have. The twins have become experts at replacing stuff in recipes, know exactly what happens when you replace oil with water, butter instead of cream, and so on and so forth. Barry finds it mesmerizing, and he listens intently as Lup explains what he should and shouldn't do to whip up some kickass baked goods on limited supplies.</p><p>By the end of the impromptu lesson Barry has successfully cooked a whole batch of pancakes, Lup is already mixing another, and there’s a pan on the stove bubbling with a thick jam made from one of the various safe fruits from this plane. Everything smells great, Lup has been making jokes and needling Barry for the last hour or so, and things almost feel normal again. Barry whistles a tune as he flips the last pancake, smiles when he sees its perfectly smooth golden bottom, its spongy texture cooked all the way through, so unlike the gloopy mess of his first try.</p><p>He stops when he notices Lup watching him, suddenly feeling awkward.</p><p>"Sorry, I, ah... sorry."</p><p>"What're you apologizing for?" She asks. Barry looks back down at the pan and presses at the pancake with the spatula.</p><p>"I, uh... I don't know, actually."</p><p>He takes the pancake off the pan, piles it up with the others, tips a bit more oil into the hot pan. Looks at Lup, who's still frozen in place, watching him.</p><p>"I, uh... did– did you finish that batch?"</p><p>"Oh, yes, here," she says, handing him the bowl with the batter, stirring the pan of boiling jam. "Sorry, I... hm."</p><p>"What are you apologizing for?" Barry asks, teasing, and Lup chuckles.</p><p>"Got me there, Bluejeans."</p><p>Thirty minutes later, when the double pile of pancakes is so big it threatens to topple over, the others start filing into the kitchen. First comes Davenport and Merle, then Lucretia, who quickly retreats to get Magnus out of bed. The six of them sit down on the communal dining table, long since brought back from the med bay, each of them with an identical plate of pancakes served with a full ladle of hot jam on top, accompanied by their drink of choice. Barry and Magnus clink their glasses of not-orange juice, Lucretia sips on her chai as Merle takes a big whiff of his fragrant chamomile tea, and Davenport thanks Lup for the black coffee she’s magically brewed, adding two lumps of sugar and one inch of cream to his cup while Lup takes it black.</p><p>No one comments on Lup's rare presence or the domesticity of the whole scene, but halfway through breakfast Merle manages to sneak a look at Barry, nodding in approval.</p><p>Breakfast must’ve lifted Lup’s spirits up because she doesn’t make any mention of going back to her room. Instead she helps Barry with the dishes, then follows him into the lab to look at the progress he's made on the magic flower. Later in the day Lup reluctantly agrees to join Magnus, Lucretia and Barry to a walk outside, to enjoy the beautiful day they’re having while the sun is still out.</p><p>Lup interjects here and there as the three of them chat excitedly about whatever topics come to mind, but mostly she stays silent, enjoying the sun on her face and the cool wind that blows from the south. She's wearing her favorite IPRE issued red coat, a white summer dress underneath, both billowing behind her in the wind; she looks beautifully ethereal like this, and Barry basks in the sight of her, entranced.</p><p>And maybe it’s because of that, or maybe because of the high they’re on from the good day they've had—a rare treat as of lately. Whatever the reason, they don’t really notice the path they are walking on until Lup abruptly stops in her tracks, stiff as a board.</p><p>"Why did we–" Magnus starts, but Barry stops him before he can go any further.</p><p>About a hundred feet in front of them is the not-apple tree, a single bitten fruit perfectly preserved at its roots, settled over a patch of soft dirt.</p><p>Lup is <em>shaking</em>.</p><p>"Is this some sort of– of <em>sick joke?!</em>" She asks, turning around to face the three of them. "Did you seriously fucking–” she pauses, choking on her own fury, “<em>bury him underneath the very same tree that killed him?!</em>"</p><p>"Lup, he <em>asked</em>–"</p><p>"I don't fucking <em>care </em>what he asked for!" She screams, her hands now on fire, the grass at her feet already blazing into ambers. "That tree, that– it <em>killed </em>him, and you <em>buried </em>him there?! What the <em>fuck </em>is <em>wrong </em>with you?"</p><p>"Well, Lup," Magnus cuts in stiffly, "I'm sorry that you don't approve of where we buried Taako, but uhh, in case you forgot, <em>you weren't there,</em> so we couldn't exactly <em>ask</em> for your opinion on it!"</p><p>"You should've fucking <em>known! </em>That <em>thing– </em>I have <em>nightmares</em> about it every time I close my eyes! The roots must be poisonous, it’s– you all saw what it did to him, <em>how could you?!</em>"</p><p>"We were just respecting his wishes, Lup," Lucretia adds in a soothing voice. "He said that was what he wanted."</p><p>"<em>Liar!</em>" She growls, teeth gritted, making Lucretia flinch and step back. "That is so <em>fucking stupid! </em>Who would he have told that?!"</p><p>"Me."</p><p>Lup turns to Barry, eyes wide with shock, the flames on her hands burning stronger.</p><p>"He told <em>me</em>, Lup. The two of us were by ourselves one day and we approached the subject. He made me promise I'd stick to it even if we thought it was morbid. He thought it was hilarious. You know how Taako is."</p><p>"<em>I</em> do; you, however, <em>don't!</em>" She shouts, stepping up to Barry until she's mere inches from his face and he can feel beads of sweat forming at his brow, from tension and worry or <em>maybe</em> from the growing blazing heat emanating from her hands, close enough to singe the hairs on his forearms. "I don't believe this bullcrap, that you and my brother talked about important shit he didn't talk about with <em>me</em>. He <em>always </em>tells me <em>everything</em>. I think you're <em>full of shit</em>, Bluejeans, and burying him under that tree was a– I don’t fucking know, a<em> fucking ploy</em> to get back at him for making you <em>play nurse! Fess up</em>, Barry, so I can <em>scorch you from the inside out more easily!</em>"</p><p>Barry doesn't respond. His features remain neutral while he keeps staring into Lup's furious eyes, into the brazier dancing in them, her breathing labored, her teeth bared in an unforgiving snarl. The only thing that gives away how <em>terrified</em> he is are the tremors that rattle his whole body, because he <em>knows </em>Lup doesn’t make empty promises. But Barry’s resolve is steadied by an even greater certainty: Lup knows he wouldn’t lie to any of them about something like this. He would never disrespect Taako by doing something so cruel. And most of all, she knows Barry doesn’t resent Taako for needing his help. On the contrary, he was glad to be there for him; for both of them.</p><p>So Barry holds his ground, focuses all of his being on keeping his face emotionless, and when he doesn't react, doesn't say anything, just holds Lup’s stare with an unflinching expression, she turns around, <em>screams </em>in frustration, and throws a fireball at a nearby tree, then another, then <em>another</em>.</p><p>She only stops when half a dozen trees are burning up in an inferno, Taako’s tree the only one intact in a half circle of scorching hot blazing fire. She then falls to her knees, Barry, Magnus and Lucretia immediately rushing to her side.</p><p>"That thing <em>killed</em> him," she sobs, forehead resting in the dirt, her fingers grasping and pulling at the grass. "It <em>killed</em> him, and now it's <em>consuming</em> him. Taako's giving it <em>life</em>. <em>I hate it</em>."</p><p>"Isn't that the beauty of it?" Lucretia asks, a gentle hand on her back. "Maybe that's the irony he saw. The tree didn't mean to kill him, so maybe... maybe being buried under it was his way of showing he made peace with it. That he wasn't mad at what happened."</p><p>"Taako, you <em>stupid...!</em>" She whines, sinking further into the ground. Magnus wraps an arm around her, pulls her into his lap. “You <em>dummy...</em>”</p><p>It takes Lucretia several minutes to douse the flames so they don’t spread to the rest of the forest, and together they walk back towards the Starblaster. Davenport and Merle are waiting for them at the deck, watching the smoke that’s now billowing from the forest with a concerned look on their faces. Lup walks up the stairs silently, head down, eyes red and vacant, walking past them as if they weren't even there. Magnus and Lucretia stay behind to update their captain and resident cleric, and Barry and Lup carry on, walking together to the sleeping quarters, where Lup crosses yet another day on her calendar and opens the door to her room.</p><p>“Lup, wait,” Barry says, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.</p><p>She stops, takes a deep breath and looks back at him. Barry presses his lips together.</p><p>“I know that this whole thing sucks, believe me, I truly do. But you know I’m here for you, right? We all are.”</p><p>She drops her head, lets her hair hide her face. Sighs.</p><p>“Yeah. Thank you, Barry.”</p><p>And she walks into her room and closes the door.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Lup doesn’t come out of her room for three days.</p><p>Barry never gives up, knocking on her door day after day, meal in hand, sitting and waiting for at least an hour before giving up. He still leaves the various plates and bowls of food outside her door, but as expected, they stay untouched throughout the day. He crosses the passing days on the calendar and sighs.</p><p>On the morning of the fourth day he changes strategies, taking camp under the calendar and knocking at her door once every five minutes for hours on end. Lucretia and Davenport take over the kitchen, bringing him first two plates with breakfast, then lunch. He doesn’t take the books and comics that the others bring him, refuses the offering for company. He just sits and waits by himself, counting down the minutes as they pass.</p><p>Lup finally opens the door halfway through Barry’s one-oh-ten knocking.</p><p>“<em>What</em>.”</p><p>“I brought you lunch,” he says, offering the plate. Lup grimaces, seemingly torn between refusing and how hungry she probably is. “Also, uh. Can we talk?”</p><p>She huffs and turns around into her room, leaving the door open. Barry gets up with some difficulty, his legs stiff from sitting down for hours on end, and walks in, closing the door behind him.</p><p>Lup climbs back into her bed, covers herself with her blanket, hides back into her cocoon.</p><p>Barry sighs, sits on the bed behind her, the plate of food propped on his lap.</p><p>“Lup. Please eat something.”</p><p>“The reason I let you in is so you’d stop knocking. Now leave me alone.”</p><p>“Lup, please, I... what can I do to make it better?”</p><p>“Can you bring my brother back, Barold?”</p><p>Barry flinches. Lup <em>never </em>calls him by his actual name.</p><p>“Lup...”</p><p>“Please, Barry, just... leave me be. Why won’t you <em>leave me be</em> already?”</p><p>“Because I can’t stand to lose you, too. Especially not like this.”</p><p>Lup stays silent, shows no signs of reacting to his confession. Barry sighs, rubs a hand over his face. Feels the unkempt stubble already growing back on his jaw.</p><p>“He wouldn’t want you to waste away like this, Lup. I know you want to see him again, but... you wouldn’t want him to do this either. No shortcuts. We have to get through this together. We need you here, <em>I </em>need you here.”</p><p>“I’m not...” Lup starts, finally sitting up in bed. “I’m not trying to kill myself, Barry, what–"</p><p>“Well, you haven’t eaten in <em>three days</em>, Lup! I don't know what to think!”</p><p>Lup flinches, taken aback by Barry’s sudden loud voice. Barry immediately runs a hand through his hair and looks away, frustrated.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I– I’m just really, <em>really </em>worried about you, Lup. I absolutely <em>hate </em>seeing you like this.”</p><p>Lup sighs, shoulders slumping. “I know. I’m sorry, too.” She looks at the plate of food on Barry’s lap and gingerly takes it from him. “Thank you, by the way. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for all the shit you’ve been doing for me.”</p><p>Barry shrugs. “No need to thank me. I’d do it a hundred times over if needed.” He turns to her. “You know that, right?”</p><p>Lup takes a bite of her food, doesn’t say anything. Takes another. Barry watches her, entranced.</p><p>Her hair is shorter and wildly unkempt nowadays; Lup changes it at the start of every cycle, emboldened by the knowledge that it’ll just go back the way it originally was in a matter of months. And even if she changes her mind halfway through dying it a crazy rainbow color or cutting it to look absolutely buckwild, she knows Taako will gladly fix it for her, morphing it into anything her heart desires. At the beginning of this cycle she decided to leave it natural, keep it long to match Taako's, and right after he passed she cut it short whichever way she could. Barry suspects dull kitchen scissors were involved.</p><p>Her hair now sits matted and tangled, flat on one side from spending most of her days in bed, and her eyes are sunken, deep bags showing that even if she's been sleeping she really hasn't been resting at all. It's painful to see, but no matter how much Barry wants to hug her and hold her close, he stays strong; pretends this isn't getting to him as much as it is.</p><p>He never once thought, when he started this endless trip, that he'd be a rock for the twins to lean on, and yet, here he is.</p><p>Barry takes a deep breath, hangs his head. Closes his eyes.</p><p>He wishes Taako were here.</p><p>Lup finishes her food quickly. Barry then fills a water glass next to a water pitcher on her bedside table, hands it to her as well, and watches as she drains that, too.</p><p>Remembers Taako in bed, drinking from that same cup, right before they found out about the black veins.</p><p>Barry blinks a few times to will the memories away, takes the empty glass and plate and sets them both on the bedside table.</p><p>Lup sways a little, her whole body slumped like she's wilting. Barry <em>hurts</em>.</p><p>"Lup, can I... can I hold you?"</p><p>She hugs herself. Tightens her hold on her arms. Sinks her nails into her skin.</p><p>"I'm... going to touch you now, is that okay?"</p><p>She finally nods and Barry scoots closer, places both hands over her clenching fingers. He comes closer still, pulling her in as he does so, letting her lean into his body as he wraps his arms around her frame.</p><p>Lup hides her eyes against his neck and shoulder, lets her own arms come around Barry to grip at the back of his shirt, Barry bringing a hand up to tangle his fingers in her hair.</p><p>He inhales deeply, and the smell of her, of <em>Lup</em>, makes him dizzy, his heart beating painfully like a desperate caged bird in his chest.</p><p>"Lup, oh, Lup, I... by the gods, how I've <em>missed</em> you..."</p><p>"I didn't go anywhere, Bluejeans," she says, her breath tickling his collarbone. He tightens his grip around her, shivers as he feels the warmth of her body against his.</p><p>"Yes, you did. You were so far away from me, I... I wish I could hold you like this every day, Lup, hold you and, and <em>feel</em> you, and <em>be</em> with you... help you through this..."</p><p>Lup tightens her hold onto Barry, scooting closer until she has her legs draped over one of his thighs. Barry feels his heart rate fire up, and he knows Lup must've noticed by now, but he doesn’t care. He <em>loves </em>this woman, he won’t admit it out loud quite yet and he doesn’t quite know how so exactly, but he <em>does</em>, and at this particular moment he doesn’t care if it’s as obvious as a slap in the face.</p><p>"Barry... you <em>have</em> been helping me. A whole lot, even."</p><p>"...why does it feel like I'm not, though?"</p><p>"Because nothing anyone does will ever fill up the void Taako left behind."</p><p>Barry chuckles. "Yeah, that's... that's Taako right there, isn't it."</p><p>Lup chuckles back. "Sure is."</p><p>Barry and Lup stay like that, holding onto each other for a long while. Neither make any move to untangle themselves, and Barry counts the seconds through the rhythm of Lup's breathing, wishing they didn’t ever have to let go. Soon they've calmed down enough that Barry's heart isn’t racing and Lup isn't trembling in his arms.</p><p>"Barry," Lup says. Barry hums. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"Don't apologize," he says. "You did nothing wrong. You should be able to mourn however you want without anyone giving you a hard time about it."</p><p>Lup laughs, shakes her head.</p><p>"What?" He asks, turning his head a little. "Was it something I said?"</p><p>"No, it's just... you're really not going to let go of me anytime soon, are you."</p><p>"Oh!" He exclaims, pulling back, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. "O-oh, I'm so sorry, I..."</p><p>"What you apologizing for, Bluejeans?" She asks, smiling, and leans in to kiss him.</p><p>And, as expected from Lup, it's <em>incendiary</em>.</p><p>Not quite in the way Barry imagined <em>incendiary </em>would feel like though; when he thinks of an incendiary kiss he thinks of muffled moans, roaming hands, hungry, insatiable mouths. But here, Lup is simply touching her lips to his, and they're <em>warm</em>, warm like <em>fire</em>, and it stokes flames he didn’t even know he had within him, all the way from the pit of his stomach and up to his chest and the inside of his ears, until all he can feel is devastating heat coursing through him, wrecking him in the best way possible.</p><p>He remembers Taako describing a warm feeling that would start in his chest and run down his arms, making the tip of his fingers tingle. Wonders if it felt anything like this.</p><p>He soon reciprocates the kiss, a hand coming up to cup Lup's cheek, and Lup reaches up and cups the nape of his neck with both hands, pulling him ever closer, inhaling sharply like she’s surprised, shocked almost, with this turn of events. Barry feels the exact same, but he is also so happy that he wants to <em>laugh</em>, hysterically so, until his stomach hurts and his mind is blank, erased of all pains and doubts and uncertainties. He doesn’t ever want this moment to end.</p><p>Lup pulls back after what feels like an eternity, and Barry finally opens his eyes; he stares into hers, sees them searching, <em>yearning</em>, and he lets his nose and forehead touch hers. This small gesture almost feels more intimate than the kiss they just shared, and he feels his eyes burning as tears surface on them.</p><p>“What are we, Barry?” She asks, cautiously. Barry smiles.</p><p>“Well... I’d very much like you to be your boyfriend, Lup. That is, if you’ll have me.”</p><p>Lup chuckles, kisses the corner of Barry’s mouth before placing her head over his shoulder and hugging him close once more.</p><p>“I think I’d like that very much.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The next few months don’t go smoothly, per say, but Taako was right about one thing:</p><p>It helps.</p><p>The very next day Lup ventures out of her bedroom. She doesn’t leave the Starblaster, but she does walk around the hallways, giving tips to Barry as he cooks, peeking at Barry’s research in the lab, reading any books she can get her hands on, no matter the subject.</p><p>She’s not back to her regular self, though. She’s too quiet, too withdrawn, almost as if Taako’s absence weighs on her soul and dulls the best parts of her. Barry doubts she will heal completely, not before she has Taako back by her side again.</p><p>But she’s making an effort, and that’s good enough. She’s not just going through the motions anymore, dragging herself as the days go by; now, when she’s struggling or having an especially bad day, she looks for Barry, wordlessly wraps her arms around his middle and ducks her head into his hair. Barry drops whatever he’s doing to respond to her touch, gives Lup as much as she needs for as long as she wishes.</p><p>It doesn’t take long for the rest of the ship to catch on to the two of them becoming a thing; they’ve always hung out a lot together, more than the rest of the crew, and ever since cycle twenty-one people had their <em>suspicions</em>, but one day Davenport, with his silent steps, catches them in a tender embrace in the kitchen, Lup’s back turned away from the room’s entrance. He nods to Barry, backtracks, and it’s only an hour later that Barry realizes their captain must’ve ordered the rest of the crew to avoid the kitchen when the food’s ready and he has to go chasing for people to come eat before it gets cold.</p><p>When two months hit, Lup decides to cope by truly burying herself under all sorts of magical and scientific work. She takes up on Barry’s offer to investigate the glowing flora, and they spend hours on end inside the lab, running tests and analyzing the plants’ molecular properties and how they interact with the magic in the world. Lucretia gladly takes over in the kitchen, following Lup's written recipes to a T, and Magnus comes to distract them every now and then; every laugh and every smile he rips out of Lup feels like a major win.</p><p>One day, after dinner, Barry's dropping Lup off at her room after convincing her they were done for the day and she needed some rest; at her door Barry stops and picks up the marker, tracing an X at the latest day that's gone by. He smiles at Lup.</p><p>"Approximately two hundred and three days to go,” he says, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We’re getting there, Lup.”</p><p>Lup gives him a half smile, opens the door to her room.</p><p>Hesitates.</p><p>“Hey, uh... Barry?”</p><p>Barry hesitates too, feels his cheeks flushing, his heart racing.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Lup tucks her hair behind her ear, which twitches slightly. It's so adorable it makes Barry want to cry.</p><p>“Would you... like to come in?”</p><p>And, really.</p><p>How could Barry ever say no?</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Taako returns it's almost like a bomb explodes.</p><p>He expected nothing else, but it still catches him by surprise.</p><p>Lup is the first there, of course, wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. Magnus quickly joins in, then Merle, then Lucretia and Barry, creating one big hug pile. Davenport watches from the helm and smiles, his eyes watering at the sweet sight.</p><p>It's always emotional when people they have lost come back to them at the end of a cycle, and this is no exception.</p><p>"How's it been without me, folks?" Taako asks, still tightly wrapped up in Lup's arms, his sister still too busy crying to reply.</p><p>"It <em>sucked!</em>" Magnus helpfully pipes in, and everyone laughs.</p><p>The Starblaster roams the sky of their new world. They’ve officially entered cycle twenty three, and it seems like this world is heavily populated for a change. Magnus hangs over the ship’s railing, looking down at the land through a binocular, and his mouth hangs open in awe as he spots hundreds upon hundreds of dogs and puppies running across the planet's surface, living peacefully with the far scarcer humanoid population.</p><p>"<em>PUPPYLAND!</em>" He screams, jumping with glee, giving Lucretia a scare and making Merle laugh.</p><p>The twins and Barry retreat to the inside of the ship while they're distracted, Taako holding on to Lup's hand and Lup holding on to Barry's. They sit down on the common room couch and Lup immediately snuggles up to Taako, Barry sitting beside her and keeping a respectful distance.</p><p>"Nuh uh Barold, I'm officially declaring this right here the first snuggle pile of many, get in here before I’m forced to pull you by the ear."</p><p>Barry laughs, scoots closer until he's flush against Lup, throws an arm around them both, his hand resting against Taako's shoulder.</p><p>"Satisfied, your majesty?"</p><p>Taako hums. "It needs some work, but it'll do for now."</p><p>Lup giggles, looks up at Taako from where she's got her head on his chest. "So... yeah. Uh. Barry and I–"</p><p>"<em>Finally</em> banged? Please tell me you finally tapped that ass, Lup, this is <em>very</em> important to me."</p><p>Barry splutters, face going red. "T-Taako!" He protests, but Taako takes one look at him, single brow raised, and grins.</p><p>"Oh, yeah, no need to say anything Lulu, it's plain as day on’cha boy's face," he says, looking back down at Lup, who's still too happy to even be embarrassed about it.</p><p>"Oh you know it, bro," she smiles, waggling her brows. "You <em>know </em>I got some of that good Barry lovin'."</p><p>"Lup!" Barry shrieks, and both twins laugh, Taako reaching over to properly pull Barry into the cuddle, making him drape himself over the two of them.</p><p>When their laughter subsides, Taako looks at Barry, a soft smile on his lips.</p><p>"Hey. I'm glad, Barry."</p><p>Barry smiles. "Me too. Thank you, Taako. It's great to have you back."</p><p>"Barry and I make one hell of a power couple, don't we, Koko?" Lup asks gleefully, and Taako humphs.</p><p>"It was about time, Lulu. I was <em>this</em> close to just smashing y'all's faces together to see if you got the hint," he says, making them both laugh. He looks down at her and his eyes crinkle with affection. "But yeah, you really do. Power couple of the century right there."</p><p>“Heck yeah!” Lup exclaims, then looks back at Barry and smiles, a mischievous glint in her eye that Barry loves oh so dearly. "Someday we're gonna bring the universe down to its knees, isn't that right, babe?"</p><p>And Barry leans in, gives her a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>"Sweetie, we'll make it beg for <em>mercy</em>."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you Ine for being my beta for this chapter! u da best</p><p>I hope you all liked reading this as much as I loved writing it &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>